Finding Balance
A Journey not a Destination
Through my life journey — calm, centered and balanced people have had a hold on me. They seemed to have a state of mind and a presence that drew me in. I have wondered what it would be like to “be” that way, but it always seemed unattainable to me.
As a recovering perfectionist who has been an over achiever all her life, being balanced almost did not fit into my life. Instead, being in a state of imbalance seemed more normal.
I often justified to myself … “There are so many things to pack into a day, how can one ever be in balance? Is it possible for normal people with day-to-day responsibilities to be in balance? Or is it only for the sages, the lucky ones or the retired?”
I continued with the internal struggle of being in awe of balance but not pursuing it. Yet, when I came across someone who personified balance — it was a reminder that it was possible. My life was spent rushing from one moment to another, like I was always playing catch up, like I could never do enough, like I am not enough.
One morning it hit me … “This is not the life I want. I don’t want to be feeling like I am not doing enough every single day. I want a life of abundance. I want to build my ideal life. But where do I start?”
I looked inward, with an awareness and acceptance that I needed to shift something. I was now on a pursuit of finding balance.
Did I say, “Find Balance”?
I was going about this all wrong. There was no magic pill. I could not “find balance”. I needed to create it. I needed to sit myself down, understand what was out of balance and create an action plan to address the imbalances. Sounds easier said than done, doesn’t it?
In a conversation with a friend, I got exposed to the “Wheel of Life” technique. It’s brilliant. You can use this to self-assess different parts of your life on a scale of 1–10 and visualize where you are out of balance. Then, you can prioritize the top 3 areas you want to start with and create an action plan to improve your life. This was it; this is where I needed to start. The Wheel of Life technique helped me get started on a journey of discovery.
The top 3 areas that were embarrassingly low in my Wheel were 1) Health 2) Family & Friends and 3) Fun & Recreation. I spent my weekends doing self-improvement work or working on aspects to improve my career. Although I loved what I did for work and it did not feel like a job — too much of a good thing, is not necessarily good! Everything in balance is ideal.
I had been rushing through life thinking that one day I would find balance. Balance is not something you find. It is something you create.
What Else?
Once I was convinced that building a more balanced life was in reach, nothing was going to stop me. I started to build a system to stay accountable, asked for the support I needed and continued to iterate through the Wheel of Life segments that needed attention.
- Building a System: With the right mindset in place, I needed to build a system for myself to help me stay on course. This is where it all usually breaks down. The difference between a wish and a realized goal is a good system to help you get where you want to go. As James Clear says in the book Atomic Habits — “You don’t rise to the level of your goals, you fall to the level of your systems.” I built a system for myself to reflect weekly, monthly and quarterly on what actions I was taking or not taking to build more balance in my life.
- Getting Support: It is not enough that I created this action plan and kept it to myself. I also needed to share my priorities, my views with people around me — so they could help hold me accountable. I shared it with my spouse who helped hold up a mirror and give me honest feedback along my journey. I shared it with my close friends and colleagues who I had conversations with often, so they could check on me and remind me of what was important to me as they sensed I was going offtrack.
- Continuously Iterate: I had to give myself grace and allow myself to learn from misses and step forward without guilt. As I started to work on the top 3 areas of my wheel, I could slowly feel more balance coming back into my life. My weekends were not spent working, but instead spent with family. I started to read for pleasure and not just immerse myself in learning topics for improving my craft. My health started to improve tremendously with a daily focus on exercise and eating mindfully, which helped improve my overall well-being.
Today … I’m well on my way to building a more balanced life. I still struggle with saying NO to things, but then I catch myself in the moment. I use the system I have built, the support I have and my practice to give myself grace when I fall, to keep moving forward.
The journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step. ~ Lao Tzu
